Monday, October 16, 2006

Terry Bowden has an incisive mind

If you believe the tagline at the bottom of all his work, Terry Bowden is “Yahoo! Sports' college football analyst.” It’s important to notice that the statement is exclusive. Bowden is not called “a” Yahoo! college football analyst. He’s not “one of” Yahoo’s analysts.

He’s the guy.

Now, let’s of course also recognize that Yahoo publishes the work of several other columnists from organizations like,, and The Sporting News. Still, if you are THE Yahoo Sports college football analyst, one might expect you to analyze something from time to time. Therein resides the brilliance of Mr. Bowden, who has somehow gotten himself an analyst job which requires zero analysis. Pretty sweet gig really.

Let’s break down his latest effort on the Miami-FIU brawl, a topic which should certainly give any analyst plenty of material.

“Just when you thought things couldn't get worse for the Miami Hurricanes and beleaguered head coach Larry Coker, it got drastically worse Saturday.”

Pretty standard lead. Bowden goes the same route as every other brawl article and adds to the shit-on-Larry Cokerathon.

“The brawl that marred the Florida International-Miami game turned into one of the worst team fights I have seen in recent years.”

Uhh, okay. What the hell does that have to do with anything?

“The schools' first meeting took a violent and ugly turn when the trash talking led to fisticuffs in the third quarter.”

First, thanks for restating what everybody already knows. Second, Bowden hasn’t so much as hinted that he’s planning on making an argument. And third, fisticuffs? Seriously? Maybe it’s just me, but once a fight grows to 80 people in size, is graduates from “fisticuffs” to “royal fuckin’ rumble.” Please, Terry, continue.

“It doesn't matter who started the fight; these players left a huge black eye for both programs.”

Again with the obvious…still waiting on an original thought though. Also, somewhere Lamar Thomas disagrees. Anyway…

“FIU and Miami are 9 miles apart. A lot of players for both teams have competed fiercely against one another for a long time, and I'm not sure this newly established matchup should continue. One thing is for certain – it does nothing for the Hurricanes, who have worked hard over the last few years to rid themselves of the rogue image that persisted through the 1980s and 1990s.”

Just worthless. And somebody please tell me how any of the thoughts in this graph are even related. The players have played against each other for years, but this newly-formed matchup might not be a good idea. Also, what exactly does nothing for the Hurricanes? Is he talking about the matchup or the brawl? It's written like the matchup does nothing for the Canes, which is probably true, but what does that have to do with shedding the rogue image? I truly have no idea what he’s saying at this point.

“The schools and their conferences suspended 31 players Sunday. Let's hope the athletes involved understand the seriousness of their actions and that they need to make amends.”

Just for good measure, another fact that everyone knew already, followed by one more pseudo-opinion that’s not even an opinion.

And that’s it. That’s the entire column. 178 words of nothing. It might as well not exist. And they pay him for this.

Like I said, pretty sweet gig really.

So much for this rivalry (Yahoo! Sports)
Ex-'Cane in trouble for remarks on TV (MSNBC)

Saturday, October 07, 2006

LIVE BLOG: Cal vs. Oregon, 4th Quarter

8:16- Long touchdown run to ice it by Justin Forsett. Mike Belloti just scooped his eye out with a spoon. Cal 45, Oregon 17

And with that, I'm going to bring to a close a long day of football, booze and typing. I have it clocked at a little over 8 hours. There are about five minutes left in the game, but I trust the Bears have this wrapped up. The one eye I have left is glazed over, and my eardrums are still bleeding from the cussing barrage Mrs. Dar unleashed earlier. Oregon has literally been outplayed from the very first snap of the game. Cal has looked great. This makes things very interesting in the Pac-10. I'm very glad SC plays both of these teams at home. Until next time.

8:15- Musburger: "If Kirk left tickets for Jessica Simpson, she'd come." I just scooped out my eyeball with a spoon.

8:06- Not so much. INT on the very next play, and it was a bad one. That should pretty much give Cal the win. A comeback at this point would be monumental. The way Oregon looks, it's a million to one.

8:05- Oregon gets bailed out with a roughing the passer call after the Ducks dropped a sure thing 1st down. They're giving you chances Oregon! Jesus. Take advantage of one!

7:59- OK...Oregon holds to start the 4th. Cal punts it away. Ducks will take over at their own 30. Is there a Oklahoma sized comeback hidden in there somewhere?

LIVE BLOG: Cal vs. Oregon, 3rd Quarter

7:51- Hey, everyone...the Ducks showed up! Dixon goes over the top for a touchdown. That provides juuuuuust enough to make me keep watching for a few minutes in the fourth. Cal 38, Oregon 17

7:46- Why don't they just let Herbie call the rest of the game? Seriously, why not?

7:42- Well, the Bears just rolled their way down the field while Musburger chatted up Herbstreit. Great second effort by Robert Johnson to get in for the score. Oregon is crawling around on the canvas trying to find it's collective mouthpiece. Cal 38, Oregon 10

7:31- Apparently Longshore leaves two tickets for every game for Jessica Simpson. He doesn't know her. Never met her. Never told her about the tickets, but he leaves them at Will Call every week. Again, I'll turn to thistle71, "creepy mormon."

7:25- Damien Hughes makes a nice stop on 3rd down, and Cal takes over again after the punt. This could effectively set up the knock-out punch.

7: 17- Cal kicks a FG to go up three scores. I'd say Oregon has roughly five minutes to make a move or this game is going to as good as over. Cal 31, Oregon 10

7:15- Who needs him. 41 yards to Jackson, and just like that, the Bears are inside the Oregon 30.

7:15- Still no word on Lynch's injury, but he isn't in the game to start the third.

7:14- Okay. The 2nd half is underway. TDS Pac-10 overdose is into the home stretch. Here's hoping Oregon can get back into this game. For attention's sake.

LIVE BLOG: Cal vs. Oregon, 2nd Quarter

6:50- Speaking of out of place in Berkeley...Nate Longshore is Mormon? Who knew?

That'll do it for the half. Cal takes a big lead into the locker room. Oregon needs to find some fixes, because they've been exploited like an 18-year-old intern on Instant Messenger. Back in 20...

6:48- Touchdown Stewart. Big sequence. Oregon has at least delayed their demise for the time being. We can't call the game just yet. Cal 28, Oregon 10

6:45- Dixon gets sacked on 3rd down. Then...the Ducks go to the fake FG! Interesting. Down to the 1 yard line. Oregon needs to make this one count in order to stay in striking distance.

6:41- Oregon has gone to the option to try and steal some points before the half. If they could score here, it at least puts them in position to make a comeback.

6:38- Comment from thistle71: "silent rage." Things have gotten a bit comatose in my living room too. Gulp. Meanwhile, some Duck player just pulled a blind-sided jump kick on a defenseless Cal player. Pretty bad.

6:34- Explosive. After trading punts, Jackson took the kick to the house. Kid is a freakin' stud. Real nice of Brent to keep mentioning how he got away from USC too. One of the most exciting players in the Pac-10. I won't repeat all the stuff Mrs. Dar just screamed. Cal 28, Oregon 3

6:25- Cal just looks better right now in all facets. Better preparation, better exectution. Oregon setting up to punt it away again. The color guy thinks fake. Nope. And Desean Jackson broke off a big chunk on the return. Then he started doing what Musburger referred to as "woofing." Ugh.
6:19- Longshore keeper in for another score. Oregon better wake up, or this game is going to be out of reach before the break. There's a lot of time left in the 2nd for them to claw back, but it's about time to get started.

6:17- Um. Hmmm. Oregon fumbles it away. This has been an ugly game so far. Next play...Lynch wath a tight run. He even made his exit from the game cool, somersalting off with an injury. Bears back to the 2 yard line.

6:15- Hey Tedford! I bet a field goal would be nice right about now huh? Longshore gets picked in the end zone, Oregon takes over at the 20, and Mrs. Dar screams, "Kiss my momentum ass, Jeff Tedford." I'm not sure either.

6:14- Jeff Tedford with a Pete Carroll-esque call on 4th and 1 to go for it. 1st and goal.

6:10- Oooh, up close and personal with Marshawn Lynch. This is great, just great. Follow that up with a sideline report about where Lynch's mom sits during the game. I just vomited in my mouth.

6:09- Longshore comes right back with a strike to Marshawn Lynch. Bears inside the 15 again. It's looking very dire for the Ducks at the moment.

6:05- Another INT for the Cal defense on the first play of the 2nd. Mike Belloti should really starting running the ball on the first snaps of quarters. So far he's 0-2 with two picks.

LIVE BLOG: Welcome to Berkeley, Cal vs. Oregon, 1st Quarter

6:04- Ohhhh! Zach Follett just destroyed Dixon on a sack to end the quarter. Wait, wha? The refs must be smoking too. That shit made no sense. They took away the sack and put 18 seconds back on the clock. I''m confused. Quarter over.

5:58:12- Touchdown. Shit, that was quick. So much for sloppy. Cal just went 60 yards in two plays. Desean Jackson hauled in a bomb for the score. Cal 14, Oregon 3

5:58- Nice looking Longshore pass to Lavell Hawkins for a long 1st down. One of the first well-executed plays in a pretty sloppy quarter...

5:55- Cal takes over after a punt. Musburger seems appalled that the score isn't 30-21 already after all his "Shootout, Pac-10 style" bullshit in the pre-game. Did I mention that I can't stand him?

5:53- "Somebody get him a fucking block! He just got pummeled in his fucking hip with someone's helmet!" -Mrs. Dar, on 2nd and 10

5:46- So has anybody ever been more out of place in a city than Brent Musburger is in Berkeley right now? Actually, I don't think he's actually there. He's probably across the Bay in Palo Alto just watching the game in a satellite truck sipping on some Pinot.

5:44- Oregon came right back with a big stop. That was a nice sequence for their D and one that gets them right back into the game.

5:39- Well, Oregon has settled down. They've started to get some rhythm, but Cal held tough at the 5. Field goal Cal 7, Oregon 3

5:35- Another good looking pass from Dixon, and the Ducks are to the 11. This has been a very solid drive.

5:31- The Duck center is back on. Meanwhile, they've strung together a couple nice plays. Some signs of intent.

5:28- Now it looks like Oregon's center is hurt. His leg hit a pretty nasty angle on that play. Maybe the Bears could just piss in Oregon's Gatorade too. This has been a horrible start for the Ducks.

5:19- Touchdown Bears. Nice look-off from Nate Longshore to fool the D. That was about as easy as it gets. The other cat is dead too. Cal 7, Oregon 0

5:17- Wow. Didn't expect that. Dennis Dixon threw an awful pick on his FIRST PLAY FROM SCRIMMAGE. In a related story, my wife just killed our cat.

5:13- Oooh, and the Bears have broken out the brand new, yellow alternate jerseys. Jeff Tedford or somebody else in Berkeley must've gotten Phil Knight some really good hash.

5:12- Corso just picked Cal. Herbie took Oregon. By the way, if you didn't see Gameday this morning, look at this.

5:05- Holy crap! ABC just threw a curveball. It's Musburger tonight! We'll I guess this just means we'll both hate the announcer.

5:04- And we're back. I feel refreshed (read: finally took a shower), and I am excited for Game 2 of the TDS Pac-10 overdose. Time to head up the 880 from Casa de Dar to Berkeley for Cal vs. Oregon. This is by-far the biggest game to-date in the Pac-10 this season, and it will go a long way toward determining who has the most realistic shot to knock off SC for the conference title.

We lost Neil and Mirch for Game 2, but we quintupled the energy/screaming/profanity in the room because Mrs. Dar now has a vested interest. Mrs. Dar is a Duck die-hard and a cusser! Plus! She may be the only Duck on the planet who hates Dan Fouts, who my guess is will be calling this game...we'll find out shortly. Anyway, the pieces are in place for an explosive night. I'll do my best not to pass out. Mmm, St. Pauli Girl.

LIVE BLOG: USC vs. UW, 4th Quarter

4:00- Game Over! USC 26, UW 20 Jesus...that was absurd. The refs just gave UW 30 extra seconds to sub, form up, and call a play. UW has no reason to whine. The game is freakin' over. The Dawgs played great, don't get me wrong. But they came up short. Get off the field, Ty. And were lucky to get out with a win. Oregon, Cal, ND, and UCLA are going to be a tough four games to end the season. Better get back to work. The Pac-10 is officially up for grabs. As for me, I'm taking a break. 52 minutes until kickoff in game two. Oregon at Cal...get at me.

3:59- 2 the fucking ball...what is this shit? FUCK!

3:57- 4th down and 2...18 ticks...Stanbeck gets a first down...13 to go...

3:52:- Now Neil says, "I see it on SportsCenter. UW scores, misses the PAT. Then the game goes to overtime, and USC wins it." How crazy is it that that's even an option right now? Honestly, the Huskies look exactly like USC started to look at the end of Carroll's first season (my junior year). They look shit is finally coming around for them. Think about it...longtime national power that had been obselete for a handful of seasons. I'm just sayin' the parallels are there a bit. UW isn't as talented, but they are motivated and confident. That's a dangerous combo. They can start the rebirth next week...let's please hang on for this win.

3:50- First down for the Dawgs...1st and 10 from the 40...another 1st down the Shackelford. Pete, get your boys together.

3:46- Another Danelo FG. Sketch. Just let the clock please tick off. I do not like this at all. USC 26, UW 20

3:37- Chauncey Washington picks up another big 1st down. The guy has been a stud today. And I do like that the Trojans aren't blowing the game even with Jarrett and Smith out. The team is grinding it out...I guess I have to go back to analyzing SC like they're a "human" football team. They are definitely back to Earth. But, is does still look like they'll be undefeated at the end of the day...and possible #2 (Thanks Razorbacks!) First and goal.

3:34- Turner again! He's back in good graces...for now. Big gain on 2nd and 12. Keep it rolling.

3:31- Nice stop on a big 3rd down. SC needs to put 7 on the board now...if only for pride.

3:30- Mirch is here now too. His take, "This game looks rigged to me."

3:25- Taylor Mays gets called for a late hit. My first instinct was "freshman mistake." Then I saw the replay. That was a bullshit call. Awful.

3:20- 3-and-out? Timeout on the punt try? What team is this? Also Neil just said, "Wow are we gonna see the SportCenter game break tonight. 'Washington upsets USC!'" Sometimes I hate Neil. shhhh. I can see it too.

3:14- Jaw open. What the hell? USC just got punked all the way to six more points. The Pac-10 is totally wild this year. I just can't ever feel comfortable anymore.

3:09- Quote about Stanback from Raina (late arrival to the pad today), "When the fuck did this guy turn into Dan Marino?"

LIVE BLOG: USC vs. UW, 3rd Quarter

3:05- Hey, what do you know? Oscar Lua just limped off. Jesus Christ.

3:03- Which gives the Trojans another momentum play. Great punt coverage.

3:01- And Moody looking strong too. Big run up the middle. Meanwhile, Steve Smith may have hurt his achilles. Seriously, could SC have more injuries? Fiiiiiiiizzzzzle. SC punting for the first time today.

2:59- Freakin' holding. Man, that was about ot be big. Again, Washington looks great.

2:58- Gobble him up! 3-and-out. Still have a feeling this game could get out of hand. Trojans need to put up 7.

2:54- FG. Pretty stale start to the third for both teams. USC 23, UW 13

2:49:20- Blocked punt! That's redemption right there fo sho! Trojan ball.

2:49- And just like that...USC ball again. Stanback finally botched a 3rd down. This is going to be the drive I think.

2:47- Fucking shit. Turner sends me right back into "not quite sure the guy's the next Jarrett" mode. Should have had that grab, and instead UW gets the ball back.

2:45- So the Trojans take over with a very short field. Didn't they go 96 yards on one drive in the first half? Enjoy defending your 37, Dawgs.

2:41- There's the Stanback we know and love. Two awful passes during a 3-and-out. Oh, by the way...nice punt.

2:37- If I was coaching the Trojans right now, I'd try an onside kick. Just an FU to Ty-Dub.

2:36- Frustrating finish to the drive. Totally stalled out inside the 10. Congrats on our field goal. USC 20, UW 13

2:34- Ok. Back to stellar...Turner, Davis, 1st and goal.

2:31:27- ...50 yards! Steve Smith! First down!

2:31- Wow. Ugly start for the SC offense...out of sync. 3rd and 14, aaaaaaand....

2:26- Wow. Way to go Huskies. Prove me right more. Blow your fluke chances, and you are dead in the water. Congrats on your field goal. USC 17, UW 13

2:23- Jesus Christ. I've been saying it for years. The flukey shit is cute. It'll keep you close for a bit. But seriously, are we here to play...holy shit...a REVERSE!!! Fuck, I'm not gonna lie...didn't see that start coming.

LIVE BLOG: USC vs. UW, 2nd Quarter

2:00- And that's the half. The USC offense has looked great. Very workmanlike. The D has been stellar on every down except 3rd, and that's what has kept the Dawgs close. I feel like the Trojans should blow it open in the second half, but we shall see. UW does look solid so far. See everyone in 20...I'm going to go piss...wish I had X-MO for that.

1:55- Danelo kicks it through for 3. Trojans just need to protect the lead before the half. USC 17, UW 10

1: 54- Fuck! Great shoestring catch for a TD by Steve Smith gets negated for holding. Ouch. That was a fantastic play. Oooooooh, X-Mo.

1:51- And another nice 1st down run for Washington. The Husky D is dead.

1:50- Another cocky 4th and 2 call for the Trojans. Simple weak-side dive. Business as usual.

1:46- How, I ask, did we EVER get by watching football on TV without the wonderous X-MO? What a shite gimic.

1:45- Turner again for the first down. I'll tell you what...all the SC coaches have been saying he's the next Jarrett. This is the first time I've started to truly believe it. He's having a great first half.

1:42- There we go! C.J. Gable with- dare I say - a Bush-esque kickoff return to start the next possession. I don't think the Husky D can stop SC. We'll see if they bring any sac to the table on this drive.

1:39- Good lord. The Husky offense looked downright respectable on that drive. They do look like a different program. Nice decision making for Stanback to get the Dawgs in for a TD instead of settling for 3. USC 14, UW 10

1:34- Give Stanback credit. He stood in and got laid out but was able to find Ellis for the 1st down. He does have promise...still counting on that INT though.

1:31- Already a career high in catches and yards for Turner.

1:28- Followed by another big catch from Turner. Great TD pass. Booty looked real sharp on that drive. I think this could be the day that SC finally covers the spread. No, I didn't bet on it...heavily. USC 14, UW 3

1:25- And another big run from Washington!

1:24- Trojans get a 1st down on another catch by Patrick Turner. You can see that the coaching staff is starting to trust him more and more. He's definitely getting his share of chances...and Chauncey Washington is looking great so far. Another solid run and then a big gain on a check-down. Good stuff.

LIVE BLOG: Welcome to L.A., USC vs. UW, 1st Quarter

1:18- FSN shows Henry Winkler flashing the victory sign. 8 seconds later...Stanbeck throws it away on 3rd down. Coincidence? I think not. Huskies poke a FG through to end the 1st Quarter. USC 7, UW 3

1:16- Score check: LSU has jumped out to a 7-0 lead over Florida.

1:14- So apparently UW can only play well on 3rd and long. That's three straight conversions. Followed by a huge run by James. I gotta say, the SC D is guessing at the moment.

1:13- According to Petros, "Sonny Shackleford is doing a great job of catching Stanback's balls." Nice.

1:10- Nice find by Stanback on 3rd and long to get the Huskies a first down. That's one completion, which means his first INT is about three attempts away.

1:08- Oh, good. I was really wondering how Ohio State was faring against Bowling Green. Total toss-up.

1:07- Oh by the way, that first drive...18 plays, 96 yards. Decent.

1:00- So you know how I said that 4th and 1 was a cocky call? Yeah, well the fake FG for a touchdown was a lot cockier. Sweet stuff. USC 7, UW 0

12:59- The bad news...Jarrett just dropped what would've been a sweet TD pass. The good news...he took a shot on his shoulder and hopped right up.

12:57- 4th and 1 for the Trojans in clear FG range. What should they do? Run off tackle with Washington. Cocky first down.

12:55- After a near pick on 2nd down, Booty just threw an absolute dart to Patrick Turner on 3rd and long. First down.

12:51- The frosh Vidal Hazelton picks up a nice gain after a big Chauncey Washington run. Hazelton is going to be a very nasty player in a year or two.

12:47- Vintage Stanback one-hop pass on third-and-short. 3 and out to start the game. Daddy like.

12:46- Also back today...D-lineman Sedrick Ellis. He has been missed up front the last couple weeks.

12:44- Looks like Dwayne Jarrett is going to get some reps today despite the injured shoulder. Let's hope Pete Carroll doesn't regret that decision at 4pm.

12:40- Great. They just had to point out that Ty Willingham was the last coach to beat SC at the Coliseum didn't they?

12:31- And it's time to dance. Pray I make it through the day. The good folks at FSN have given us the gift of the borderline insane Petros Papadakis (who just brushed his shoulder off during the intro) as our color man today. I actually have a soft spot in my heart for Petros because he was still a RB at USC during my first couple years. Somewhere in the Annenberg TV News archives there's a very funny 6 0r 7 minute on-camera interview during which Petros chain-smokes three cigarrettes. This was during the season...ahhh, the Paul Hackett years.

12:18- First order of business is to gave some major kudos to Arkansas who just tied a pretty bow on their 27-10 win on the road against #2 Auburn. The Razorbacks just dominated the entire game, and in doing so, left the door wiiiiiiide open for the Trojans. USC is back in the position of just needing to win their own games to get into the title game. Would be very nice to see them make a statement today.

11:45- Welcome, all, to the the second installment of TDS Live Blog. This one's a doozy. In fact, I may be in over my head. Two games, 8 hours. All live. We pop the top (literally...there's a bottle of Cook's on ice to get shit started) on this day with USC hosting Washington. We'll wrap it up tonight with Oregon at Cal. Same drill as last time. Each quarter gets it's own post. I'll update each quarter's section throughout. Feel free to get at me during the games:

The cast of characters this week: Myself, and thirteen beautiful women. That would be Mrs. Dar (raging Duck fan) and the twelve St. Pauli Girls chilling in my fridge. There's also the aforementioned Cook's and an emergency six-pack of Rolling Rock just in case we have to deal with overtime. As always, apologies in advance for the inevitable increase in spelling errors and profanity. Back in 45...

Thursday, October 05, 2006

LIVE BLOG SATURDAY! A Pac-10 overdose

This Saturday I will once again team up with an unhealthy amount of beer and my laptop to live-blog a huge weekend in the Pac-10. For the Left Coast fans out there, we'll kick it off at 12:30 pm (Pacific) with Washington at USC on FSN. Then we'll flip over to ABC for the big one of the day. Oregon at Cal at 5pm. Be forewarned...Mrs. Dar will be cussing up a storm for that one.

It'll be a long day. I'm thinking close to 8 straight hours, and I must say, I'm looking forward to the challenge of trying to come up with cogent thoughts for that long...not that I'm incredibly committed to the cause. Let's be real. I won't remember anything I write after the first quarter of game two, and my memory of the game will be as blurry as that Huskies logo up there.

Should be good times.

Tuesday, October 03, 2006

Ahmad Carroll is having a bad week

If only that picture was the extent of his troubles. Sure, the guy had a horrible game on MNF. Sure, his two major mistakes led to two Philly scores, but c'mon. We're talking about the Packers here. It's not like this is the Steel Curtain. Did they really need to cut the guy 12 hours later? All that does is bump Jarrett Bush and Will Blackmon up on the CB depth chart. Career tackles: two. For both of them. Combined! I understand Carroll isn't a top-tier DB, but he is a first round pick with 104 tackles in 2+ years. Couldn't you at least try to coach him? The Packers are one horrific Al Harris dreadlock-pokes-eye-out injury away from a real emergency in the secondary.

Packers release CB Carroll (Yahoo! Sports)

Monday, October 02, 2006

And the winner is...Golf Cart!

From the Super Trampoline Basketball file comes another great moment in "Stupid Kid Meets Laws of Physics" backyard athletics. This one truly had all the makings of a Rumble in the Jungle-type classic, and strangely enough, in the end the result was just as one-sided.

So without further delay, by way of, I'm happy to present: Golf Cart vs. Kid's Face

Guess which one gets rope-a-doped?

Golf Cart vs. Kid's Face (
Deadspin HOF Nominee: Super Trampoline Basketball (Deadspin)